Don’t worry, kid. You’ve got two arms, and that’s above average.

Reminds me of an early Dr. Seuss book

It really should be.

Second kid, my wife was crying at target, and was like “why am I crying at target? I should get a pregnancy test while I’m here”. Two lines.

Crying at target can be used to detect a pregnancy as early as 5 days before your expected period.

Dude, it was like 70F here on Halloween night. Both my kids were sweating bullets when we got them out of their costumes. A couple kids in our group had to take them off because it was overbearing.

Hell I went as Hagrid so my costume was like…sweatpants and a wig. And I had to take my wig off. Granted, I had filled my 30oz Yeti with a pretty strong cocktail for the walk. But still.

Whoever originally posted this is probably pregnant.

Source: I have two kids.

Right? Lol a Democrat cop. Unheard of these days.

My wife tried to tell me that the military would stop Trump. I laughed in her face. The only brainwashing stronger than the USMC is on OAN and Fox.

I’m telling her we need to get armed, I don’t feel okay even having a Harris sign in our yard in this climate, and I’m in a historically liberal area.

What do you mean? Those lines aren’t really there? But they are crucial to electing the president. And the one at the very bottom is important to keep the brown people out. How could they not be real?

I mean, sure. In the same way that when you pull up to a traffic circle, you can go left or right. After all, they’ll both lead to the same place, right?

Believe it or not…they are just cheese curls. Like puffy Cheetos. More pale and thin, and a more “cheese-like” taste.

Now we just use fruit.

Unless, incident, you’re talking of a Chinese Grapefruit, also know as Pomelo.

Bonus Google Translated

I wanna juice 'em
All night long

What is this, a crossover episode?

Reese Witherspoon, she’s the prom queen
Bill Gates, captain of the chess team
Jack Black, the clown
and Brad Pitt, the quarterback
Seen it all before
(I want my money back)

nelson_haha.png.wav

I don’t care what Chuck Jones has to say.

I need Chuck Testa.

Is that roadrunner holding a sign?

Nope. Chuck Testa.

Dudes just high but yeah this is totally possible today. Deepfake audio is pretty scary.

“Known compromised line” doesn’t matter. Our “publish first, ask questions later” media doesn’t care. Especially when literally everyone has their own portable printing press in their pocket. Who is “media” now? It’s all of us. It’s as much Lester Holt and Chuck Todd as it is your crazy uncle who isn’t invited back to Thanksgiving since “The Obama Incident”. No need for details. Every family has it.

E

Or that wolf and sheep come from eggs?

You guys are basically describing the old Demoscene.