• build a childhood museum early on
• change all industry buildings from sweat shop to easy does it
• enact the Bribe Faction Leaders, Food for the People, Free Housing, National Day, Social Security, Hola Presidente, Sensitivity Training, Papal Visit, and Pollution Standards edicts
• make sure average pay is above Caribbean pay
• use the cathedral to claim any Tropicans that are peacefully protesting me are heretics
• have a nuclear weapons program to protect against invasion from the US and USSR
• ensure diverse food and entertainment
• hold all scheduled elections and give a speech every each one acknowledging the lowest happiness variable and promising to do something about it, while also praising the least happiest faction

Then you chop the potato into fries and stick it in a bowl of water seasoned with Mrs Dash. Once they’re marinated, you realize that the Mrs Dash you used is also outdated, and the current Mrs Dash’s spices conflict with the current seasoning. You have to figure out a way to suck the seasoning out of the current fries or start fresh. To start fresh would delay the meal considerably and your customers are extremely hungry and entitled. You would also need to report the extra expenditure on a new potato and wasted time to your boss, who is going to be upset about it.

You decide to search the Internet and found that some guy that was in the same situation 3 years ago in another restaurant figured out a way to make the current fries taste right using white pepper as long as you apply it in a specific manner that you’ve never heard of using tools you don’t have. You only have black pepper, but give it a shot anyway. It didn’t work right and now they taste even worse. You ask on a forum online by detailing every step you took with precision, and the users respond with “read the f**king recipe”. In desperation, you ask ChatGPT for advice, which tells you to season your <vegetable> with white pepper and taste the fries. If that doesn’t work, write down everything and look for places you made mistakes. Miraculously, you find some white peppercorns, but don’t have a grinder. You try smashing them with a hammer, making it worse.

You give up and tell everyone that they have to eat rice today. You go home feeling smarter because you learned how to not mess this one specific thing up until the next update and what would work to fix it in the future if you have the specific items and know how to use them (you don’t). You then go to a social gathering at a restaurant with friends. One of them doesn’t like the food and asks you why they don’t just make it taste good. You tell them that if they want it to taste a certain way, they can cook it themselves. The group gets mad at you and you hear someone whisper in another’s ear, “I think they’re on the spectrum.”