SeductiveTortoise

“Tasty feet as well. I think they stepped in cheese”

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

*Including burying those first Americans first.

That’s ridiculous. I think they just wake up from a fever dream of opulence and a superiority complex.

I’m just too lazy to toss it right away so I stack it until I hate the stack more than getting up.

Then the cycle repeats.

I tried tasting vinegar to check if I still could, but nothing.

I had this twice, the first time was at least 25 years ago.

deleted by creator

(Right next to the pee)

But I don’t love pythons!

In the feels?

A Thai man was bitten on the testicles by a 12-foot python while he sat on the toilet

Oh no! Oh no no no, that’s way worse! Way worse!!!

Her vibrator can as well.

It seems centuries are getting shorter and shorter each year.

Women got Lesbos, men should get a Greek island as well.

It doesn’t have one 😭

Worthless piece of software!

For my dog, it’s just the invisible monsters.

Sometimes. my. phone. thinks. that. after every word I dictate it, it should add a full stop. Or at least on the first part of the sentence. Only dog knows why.

New fillings are coming right up. Please bend over.

I like the idea, but I want to do it in France. And I demand vine to my free cheese.

And baguette!

How do you distinguish girl trees from boy trees? Ah, forget it. It doesn’t really matter.