There’s a modified Chinese proverb I like that goes something like this:
Watch your emotions, for they become your thoughts.
Watch your thoughts, for they become your words.
Watch your words, for they become your actions.
Watch your actions, for they become your habits.
Watch your habits, for they become your destiny.
Basically the takeaway is that your emotions/attitude aren’t the end point, they’re the start point. The pattern in your comments keep reading of Self-Loathing. That emotion is forming itself into your thoughts and words. Anger management techniques are critical to controlling this metaphorical “curse” you’re under.
This is probably a strange suggestion, but have you tried using Fear? I’ve noticed it’s somewhat easier to be social after consuming any kind of scary content.