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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 9th, 2023

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  • Lots of advice here, some of it good, some of it questionable.

    Two things I’ll amplify from other comments: there’s a reason your therapist missed. It’s could be anything from messing up in their calendar app to a pet or a family member being injured it passing unexpectedly. This falls into the “shit happens” category. You’re allowed to be angry, upset, disappointed, or any combination - your time was wasted. There are generally two outcomes - 1) the miss was unintentional or unavoidable or 2) the therapist is unreliable. Until you find out that it’s case 2, recognize that a couple of wasted hours - in the course of your life- is small potatoes (perspective).

    Another is the concept of “agency”. There are things you can affect in your life, in your relationships, and in the world. There are things you cannot. Nobody can force you to allow yourself to ignore the latter. They will always get under your skin. However, if you find yourself dwelling on those items, try and take a step back and identify things in your life you control or which you can alter/adjust. Finding those areas where you have agency allows you to impart your will, to be a positive force in your life trajectory.

    I won’t even begin to tell you this is easy. It is a process and a way of interacting. Here’s an example - recognize your disappointment with your therapist but take the initiative to reschedule. Taking it a step further, the day before your next meeting, confirm the appointment. It can be a text or email - simple, low contact. If you don’t get a response, escalate near the end if the work day (or first thing the morning of the appointment) with a call. These are things you can do to manage your therapist and your collective schedules. Most professionals (I am one fwiw) will not be offended in the least with good (but not excessive) communication. If they are, or if the therapist still flakes out on you - well, we’re back to case (2) above and you’re on the troublesome path of finding a new / another therapist. BUT - you’ve done all you can in your power to make this a success. Recognize your initiative as a positive, personal attribute you will continue to leverage in your life.

    I wish you the best!






  • Probably a poor selection, or some who drives a “performance” vehicle for pleasure, or possibly an older vehicle The only real thing to concern yourself with is that there has has not been sitting for a long time (weeks/months), but any popular station will have multiple deliveries a week. Get the cheap stuff. If you feel guilty you can run a cleaner and dryer through the system occasionally, but modern consumer vehicles are pretty well designed to function efficiently on a range of gasoline-based fuels.


  • And, let me tell you, those chairs are worth it. I paid about $1200 for my Leap (I needed an extra tank one for a drafting table desk) and have had it 15 years now. 8-10 hours a day my job is to ensure that my chair does not float away using only my 200lb body mass. Not only is it still in good shape* I never have a sore back even after a long day of ballasting. Prior to owning the Leap I’d go through a $100 office store chair in a couple of years.

    *the seat cushion was a little worn at the edges and the cushion not quite as supple so I replaced that this year.



  • Cheapest city with moderately decent public transit is probably Washington DC. With an average home price comparable to the one I live in without public transit of about $600,000 more than my current home. Even if I didn’t own my truck outright (8 years old, 58k miles) and the price of gasoline doubled, my payback period for 100% free public transit is greater than infinity with a 5% cost of money calculated in.

    It’s a bit like solar. I’ve run the numbers, and had others run the numbers, and the conclusion is that it would require replacing solar panels twice before I made back my investment, even with a 0% loan for the panels and install.

    I’d love to be part of it. I’d love to have European-style public transit. Even in the few places where viable public transit exists in the US, it’s not affordable to move to those places. shrug



  • Sorry, I was thinking rice and beans and my mind went to protein sources. Yes, you can live vegan, and yes, you can get protein from non-animal sources. I think I originally noted that I bake nearly all my bread every week and it costs under a $1 for ingredients but decided not to keep it. If rice and beans are your jam, go for it.

    I like the muscles of dead things, a majority of my species also partake, and it’s usually one of the first things which is omitted due to cost - which doesn’t need to be the case if you are smart with which parts of the meaty flesh you gorge yourself on and when you are (financially) opportunistic enough to know when the less valuable animals are murdered for their soft flesh.


  • Learn to buy in bulk when it makes sense and learn to cook. You don’t need to eat rice and ramen (tho I do love me some…). Turkeys around Tgiving in the us are stupid cheap, pork butts smoke easily (you can even cheat and do them in a standard oven), and cheap beef makes great stew for less than $1/meal. Fish can be affordable too, if that’s your thing. It’s mostly about building a modest cabinet of spices and learning to turn simple foods into restaurant-level results. You’ll learn to prefer eating in because it’s literally better than paying someone else 5x as much for (honestly) mediocre food.

    I also plan ahead (like 8-12 months) and I take vacations based on what’s cheap and always travel off-peak. I traveled around the world for three weeks last year - Tokyo, Bangkok, Copenhagen, Prague, and Iceland - for $5k, including two flight segments in first class. Took my family of 3 to Lisbon, Dublin, and all over UK (Cardiff to Aberdeen) for two weeks this year for about the same total. And that was without using any CC points (which I do game from time to time, but I loathe manufactured spending). Neither of those are “cheap” trips, true, but I have friends who don’t plan and will complain that it’s “always” $1.5-2k each to fly us-eu.


  • $10k is low end, and won’t even cover paying for 4 years of a state college. In state most places is pushing $35-40k/yr including room and board. Out of state is closer to $60k/yr. If you make enough not to get any financial assistance, Ivys in big cities are going for close to 6 figures once you pay for stupid-expensive rent. Even in a good growth fund, $10k/year starting at birth may not even fund a BS degree.

    Now, ongoing maintenance on multiples gets cheaper in quantity, you just have to steer them towards the trades so their college costs disappear. Or hope they get full ride scholarships with housing allowances.