daguerreotype, mesmerizing

“superior attitude” is an obnoxious way to describe someone rebelling against shitty rules because they have standards. “you’re not special” etc is the usual bullshit I get – and of course I am not – what I think we rightfully think is that nobody should be beholden to shitty practices and standards.

again, this is all long term executive function that you are generally incapable of performing or even contemplating when depressed. maybe you can protestant-work-ethic yourself out of depression but that doesn’t mean everyone can. oh yeah lemme just keep being fucking harsh with myself, that’s the ticket.

what i want to hear is

• take a bath
• have chamomile tea, it binds to your GABA receptors
• go outside to breath the fresh air and look at the moon
• etc

simple, actionable things that don’t have barely-hidden contempt or disinterest behind them

i like how the answers are the exact same generic unhelpful drivel you hear 20k times a month if you’re depressed as well. real improvement there. when people google that they want immediate relief, not fucking oh go for a walk every day, no shit. the triviality of the suggestion makes the depression worse because you know it’s going to do nothing the first week besides make you feel sweaty and looked at and alone. like if i’m feeling recovered enough to go walk every day then i’m already feeling good enough that i don’t need to be googling about depression tips. this shit drives me insane.

100%. i’d be more interested in knowing what some guys in a bar in NYC were saying when hitler died versus reading an article about it. articles are just facts put in order. biased opinions make us human.

i usually just wait on the comments. articles are dry and boring, comments have opinions and views and emotion and juice

it makes me download 5 updates whenever i launch it then it looks just as shitty as before

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seems like a lot of astroturfing on lemmy lately

i remember growing up I’d literally get a buzz off a good thread or from reeling off a good post. it felt so incredible being able to communicate with people across the world and be taken seriously, evaluated on the merits of my words rather than dismissed due to age or race or anything. and most of all, it felt like this special secret between you and other dorks. now everyone has phones in their pocket. going on twitter is like going to mcdonals.

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meh. who am i, a fuckin executive? i don’t care about graphs

frankly, it feels like lemmy has both grown and gotten worse - it attracted enough attention that there are now morons, bootlickers, corporate simps, and dickheads posting now, and upvoting each other’s posts

do you think they’re above doing that

there wasn’t even a dispenser lol felt like i was going crazy

a lot of old maritime tradition / custom seems very quaint and very fascinating, there’s sort of an uncanny valley of weirdness, almost. i guess because if you’re out at sea that long, your mind knows it shouldn’t quite be possible, seeing another person feels like a relief

similarly i was reading this old book called Sailing Alone Around the World and the dude waves and says good evening to the moon at night

The fog lifting before night, I was afforded a look at the sun just as it was touching the sea. I watched it go down and out of sight. Then I turned my face eastward, and there, apparently at the very end of the bowsprit, was the smiling full moon rising out of the sea. Neptune himself coming over the bows could not have startled me more. “Good evening, sir,” I cried; “I’m glad to see you.” Many a long talk since then I have had with the man in the moon; he had my confidence on the voyage.

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2020 george floyd protests

even during protests about police brutality they did even more police brutality

it’s never going to stop. the system has too many meaningless pressure valves that they’ve convinced people are actually valuable [writing a letter to a local official, voting (depending what state), clever chants during protests, etc]

my anxiety meds. my life would’ve been far different and less miserable if i didn’t feel like death over a 5th grade fractions quiz

i love the religion in avatar as well – nothing is ever lost, all our data gets uploaded to the mother tree when we die and are returned to the ethereal realm