Melllvar

I once experienced an episode of sleep paralysis with auditory hallucinations. I heard a deep masculine voice speaking in a guttural language that seemed just on the edge of being comprehensible to me. As if it were the primeval language from which all others sprang. The feel of the language in my ear was as familiar as my native tongue. I recognized the cadence, I could discern where one word ended and the next began, whether a sentence was a question, and so forth. But the words themselves were somehow alien.

I strained my senses trying to hear the voice more clearly. What horrible prophesy was I being given? What dreadful task have I been appointed? Am I the keymaster? The antichrist? Am I dying? Oh shit, that’s it, isn’t it? I’m dying and going to hell. Fuckfuckfuck. Um. I accept Jesus as my savior? …Buddha? …Joe Pesci?

Then I snapped out of it and the voice turned out to be the muffled sound of my neighbor’s TV. Praise be to Joe Pesci!

For one, the shark is not at fault. The swimmer is. Which doesn’t really fit the overall message.

https://www.kingdomofloathing.com/

A free text-based RPG browser game with a unique sense of absurdist humor.

The one thing that bothers me about the metric system is how much of it is never actually used. No one says “1 megameter”, for example. They say “1,000 kilometers”. When you think about it, most metric prefixes are never used with most metric units.

AFAIK California doesn’t require a license for ebikes.

Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish recruitment office?

“Expressed greater intent to commit rape”

I would really like to know how they measured this. I get the feeling that the men being studied didn’t come out and state, “yes, I have a greater intent to rape” on a survey or something. The researchers must have been using something as a proxy for “intent to rape”.

I’d also like to see the stats for how many of the men have actually raped someone. For example, if 86% are rated as “more likely to rape” after watching porn, but 99.9% don’t rape anyone, then that would suggest there is no correlation between porn and rape.

Merde

Each decade of age took me half as long as the previous one did.

0-10 took forever

10-20 took 20 years

20-30 took 10 years

30-40 took 5 years

And I fear it only gets worse.

Let us, like Him, hold up one shoe and let the other be upon our foot, for this is His sign, that all who follow Him shall do likewise.

You should cut diagonally. If it makes a sandwich better, imagine what it can do for a novel.

Tom Hanks in “Big”?

https://youtu.be/RsDj2fzEGdM?t=65

Here’s a rainbow that is close enough for the trees across the street to appear behind it.

That’s what dihydrogen monoxide poisoning does to average IQs.

…are non-US peanut butters less viscous?

first initial middle initial and last name

I do this when it’s a work-related document. Anything personal I write out my first name fully. So good luck forging my signature on possibly the wrong kind of document, people who want to forge my signature but only have one example to work from!

Don’t give up a stronger position for a weaker one in hopes of avoiding a conflict. You’ve only undermined yourself when the conflict happens anyway.

I’m an apartment building superintendent. I once confronted a late night trespasser: a junkie looking for a place to shoot up or snort or whatever his thing was. I demanded that he leave, but realized that I was physically blocking the only exit. He was cornered. So I moved out of the way and suddenly I was the one who was cornered. It all worked out in the end, but for a minute there I was facing a large, angry, paranoid junkie with a knife and no way to escape.

I don’t know what would have happened if I didn’t move to give him an exit, but I know that in doing so I gave up my own exit, and that was dumb.

I’ve had customers like this. Usually they just write their name in block letters. There’s no rule that says a signature has to be written in cursive so it still works.

Information superhighway

You don’t go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?