(alec baldwin’s character did actually shoot a guy at the end of season 5 episode 21 but that was a full season and a half later)

“Man, what a long week, huh?”

“Lemon, it’s Tuesday.”

And if, heaven forbid, it’s not either of those, it is now apparently acceptable to refer to it as a “clap back.” In the newspaper of all places.

Furthermore, as a creation of Victor Frankenstein, calling the monster “a Frankenstein” is no more inaccurate than calling Guernica “a Picasso,” or a 1996 Camry “a Toyota.”

The following is a tremendously disproportionate analogy given that we’re talking about a microblogging website, but I really don’t think there’s any better term for it:

It’s really less like you’re calling Twitter by its deadname and more like you’re refusing to call it by its slave name. Twitter didn’t come up with this on its own, some guy just rolled up and said “I’m changing your name because yours isn’t cool enough.” Like, fukken Kunta Kinte.

Again, very unfortunate that that’s the only comparison that comes to mind but I’m really blanking on anything else. Jean Valjean, I guess. Maybe Darth Vader. Locutus of Borg.

At least we can rest easy knowing that concept art was eventually repurposed for the Nightsisters, and there’s no way anyone could ever sexualize a tribe of leather-clad magical goth lesbian amazons with spiky chain whips.

I only purchased this toothbrush because that was the only way to get the water-resistant Entertainment Center/Speaker/Corporate Surveillance Device for the one room in my house that is the least comfortable, has the worst acoustics, and has the strongest expectation of privacy, and also I can’t just put a regular Alexa in like a plastic bag or something because I blew my plastic bag budget on a fucking app-controlled toothbrush or whatever the fuck this is supposed to be, jesus christ

what are the odds, that was my nickname in college

I’ve experienced this, or at least something that very closely fits its description, a couple times in the past, and it varies on a case-by-case basis. One time it was almost like the sound of glass breaking, I think one time might’ve been closer to a door slamming. Weird shit.

And, same deal as the other fella, hard to remember the specifics 'cause you’re sorta half-asleep when it happens.

Of course… I’ve been collecting treasured works of art and culture, when I should have been hoarding authentic screen-used Hollywood memorabilia and officially-licensed tie-in merchandise - the true paragons of human invention! Damn you! Damn you, and your citadel of props!

You’re all fools! You should just be hoarding the screenplays on trusty ink and paper, or perhaps etched into clay tablets to deter silverfish and parchment mites. When the great solar-amberic conjunction erases all earth’s digital media simultaneously and nothing else, me and my travelling theater troupe are going to make post-apocalyptic bank with live re-enactments of all of cinema’s greatest moments, just you wait!

And why do we bake cookies but cook bacon?