Oh, my god. The toe stretches. I love him.

My maternal relation is referred to by her name, which i have also turned into an insult, because she is evil.

Maybe someday I’ll work somewhere with good PTO. currently 6 holidays, 2 pto weeks and 1 sick week.

I still say this sometimes and hope that they actually get it 😂

No, it’s a toaster! (I was gonna link the brave little toaster but figured that was taking it a little too far past sarcasm lmao)

I don’t think this will work in my yard. The ants are farming aphids already. Boiling water helped a little with the grass and some of their aphid farms but the ants remain vigilant.

You know, I’m really just waiting for the day voyager supports gif insertion.

My gf went to touch my phone bc kitty is ADORABLE and i cautioned her with… colorful language lmao

weenie 🥹

Keep an eye on that headgasket!

If you give me the tools, the time, and permission, I’ll fuckin’ handle it.

This is the coping mechanism for the people whose cats like to fuck with tp rolls. I can’t go back now

Blowing directly into, yes; however, if it’s an indirect yet concentrated breeze isn’t it moreso increasing the odds for vaginal flatulence?

Personally I wouldn’t mind a queef or two if it meant a guarantee that my butt’s clean lmao

You should check out the wake county register of deeds! They’re accessible online and they go allllll the way back.

I am SO DOWN. Let’s go. Let’s do it.

This SENT me.

you know you’ve done it.

I couldn’t even get the burger flipping job starting out. Rude.

What about… your whole face? Is it allowed? 😭So FLUFFY ☠️

Doppelganger!!