My father was a raging narcissist.

Narcissism is a psychological defense mechanism formed in early childhood to fight an inferiority complex formed from abuse, neglect, or both. He never talked about it, but he came from the era where no “Real Man” admitted weakness, admitted fault, or apologized. That was weak, and “womanish.” He used the “P” word, but you know what I’m talking about. He never matured beyond mid teenage boy emotional maturity.

Anyways, I was born 13 years after my next sibling, and my entire life, my father made me feel that I was an embarrassment, and was worthless, useless, and stupid. Because instead of accepting that he had a hand in my conception, he blamed me for fucking his life up after he thought he was done with kids.

He was also a raging alcoholic, and I fucked up his party time. My mom was raised to be the perfect 50’s housewife, and he felt he should be able to do whatever he wanted, when he wanted, with who he wanted. And now, there’s this kid fucking it up. That didn’t stop him from dragging a young child to every hole in the wall bar in 5 counties, and making me drive him home when I was 12 years old. Oh, and he also passed out many times when he was supposed to pick me up.

He died alone, without a friend in the world, by is own hand, because he was so selfish, and callous.

So yeah, I could have done without that.

Pretty good. Taught me humanity is evil, etc… no one actually thinks about life. #gangstalked.