The riding crop and the little rock with two eyes painted on it.
I’m the guy in the office people come to when they need something. Ibuprofen? Got it. Superglue? Got it. Change for the vending machine? Yup. I keep the change in an envelope I’ve labeled “petty cash”. Inside that envelope , I have a smaller envelope that I’ve labeled “mad money”. I have about $27 worth of Monopoly money in that one.
A butt plug with my keys in it.
I have a ton of unique 3d printed firearms. They are legal for me to make and own where I live, but I can’t legally sell them or give them away so they have just accumulated over the years haha
A tiny clay penis made by my best friend years ago.
Hmmm. Probably a (real) human spine (not my own).
There is a shiny brass plaque with an inscription engraved, and it says “Prof. Dr… …” and my full name.
But that title is wrong. In truth I have never received any academic honors.
Now, in case it is not my close relatives who must go through my stuff, they might not know that it was just a little fun from my sister… :)
The few dozen communist books I have
I think you mean we have, comrade.
I do share when I can, but usually I just send links to online resources and books as that’s typically easier for most people.
I think people would be surprised if they didnt find those in my hoard
Depends on who was going through my stuff!
Ball gag
Nice try, CIA guy, how about you come on down and see it for yourself if you really must know.
My girlfriend’s wisdom teeth, along with two of mine.
I used to collect animal bones in my hometown, where hunters carelessly tossed what they didn’t want behind nearby train tracks. Found a whole boar skin once, but only took home little knuckle bones. I might still have them somewhere.
I have a deer skull on my shelf, but I think most people would overlook that. Human teeth left in storage among other junk? Not so much.
The massive horse dildo may be a bit of an head scratcher, though knowing me - maybe not that surprising thing to find.
I think you can find something better to scratch your head with…
A military medal that was awarded to me.
I have never been a member of any nation’s armed forces.
I need the story now
It’s not really that exciting, in retrospect:
I used to work for a charity doing construction in disaster areas; building schools, medical centres, plumbing etc. We’d turn up after wars, floods, earth quakes and other stuff like that. Most of us were single men, with zero attachments or responsibilities, so we took the more (potentially) dangerous jobs out there - purely for the adrenaline and the madness.
On arrival in the country a car load of us traveled 100km-ish away from the capital to scout the location we’d be at. After a day or two there we discovered that the situation on the ground really didn’t match the information we’d been given. A rebel army, of sorts, (maybe a militia, more accurately) had regrouped and were coming back towards us. As we were, uh, not local then there was the potential for some kidnapping - or worse - type shenanigans.
Me, 2 colleagues and our fixer (and his mother) decided to get out of there immediately. We “swapped” the charity’s car for a battered Toyota and some local clothes from our fixer’s uncle. (I’m sure he had about 600 uncles in total…)
We encountered a four man forward operations group of the proper army on the road. They asked us to follow them and detour to a village and help evacuate a group of people. We got there, “borrowed” a coach, loaded it up and then we got out of there, quick sharp. Zero incidents.
I don’t think we got the medal for bravery, as such, but more for a lack of cowardice and just doing the right thing when we really could’ve just fucked-off straight to the capital and boarded a plane out of there.
I didn’t mention it when I got back home because if I did it would just look like I was glazing myself - or lying.
Doubling other commenter. This absolutely is insane and cool and worthy of a medal.
It’s not really that exciting,
Mate. That’s exciting as fuck.
I think we ran on adrenaline, fear, and cigarettes for about seven / eight hours… numb, in a kind of autopilot. Apart from the pressure of a fighting force that we never actually encountered it was like a really aggressive hitchhike ride through some extremely gnarly terrain in an underdeveloped country. It sounds far more exciting, and heroic, than it genuinely was.
But, yeah, between you and me I do think it was a cool as fuck thing to do - and survive…
Literally saved peoples lives, “a bit boring, honest!”. I want to see what exciting is to them…
Imagine their entire family has no idea where the medal came from, but like 12 random people on the internet have the full story.
Similar for me: two challenge coins of units that did not officially exist (at that time).
I have four big black bins in my closet, full of… adult stuff I think those would definitely qualify. Maybe the foxtails, or my hot pink bunny mask, I’ve got a bunch of weird costumes that would raise eyebrows
Nah those are perfectly explainable. U jus freaky like dat
My family probably wouldn’t be surprised about anything I own. They know the kind of guy I am.
A stranger might be a bit concerned about a certain wooden chest in my dining room. Large enough to fit an adult man (yes, we tried) but filled to the brim with swords, axes, pieces of armor and a 3 foot wooden spoon.
Edit: second place to a glittery pink princess themed friendship book filled with entries from adult millennials who like retro games, horror movies and metal.
