Gotta keep it vague for privacy but the key details should be enough. We first met through a dating app. It didn’t work out. We remained friends. Became best friends. They fell on terribly hard times. They moved in with me. Sleeping on the couch was not good for the long term. We now share a bed, and eventually went halvesies on a new bigger one. We became very close over the past few years. I love my best friend. Sometimes do non intercourse sexish things but have no interest in a relationship. Hard times are likely to continue due to external problems that despite our best efforts, will not likely go away. I’d never kick them out, it would be on the level of hurting a puppy. What kind of monster would do that? I have been wanting a relationship but it would be awkward to have to explain all this to any new partners. I can’t even imagine how my friend would take it. I wouldn’t want to sacrifice our relationship just so I can start dating again. A room in the apartment is vacant now and they could move into that one but I dread broaching the topic to them. I don’t know how they’re going to react and no matter what happens I want to keep this person in my life. We’re getting older and there’s no guarantee that the “hard times” will go away. It might even last the rest of our lives. I don’t know what to do. I can’t face the reality that they might leave rather than watch me do my own thing. How do I have my cake and eat it too?
I feel bad for your friend.
You seem to treat them as an object to serve your emotional needs and have created a situation where they are dependent on you.
They will probably agree to polyamory out of desperation but it will kill them inside, you aren’t doing them a favor.
Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh? OP wrote a single paragraph, that’s not enough for us to know how they interact on a daily basis. Creating the dependency doesn’t seem to have been on purpose. It happened, it created problems, probably for both of them and OP wants to find a solution that hurts their friend as little as possible. I find that highly commendable. Such situations happen, you only notice them when it’s too late and usually there is no good solution. You can’t just stop supporting them because that would cause serious problems for them but you can’t keep silent about your own needs either unless you want things to escalate somewhere down the road.
Now, the polyamory out of desperation thing is a real problem and I know many poly people (including myself) who have at some point suspected that their “original” partner has only accepted this lifestyle to avoid losing them. And let me tell you, finding that answer is hard. If you don’t ask, you might never know. If you ask once, you won’t be sure if they tell the truth or just want to protect your relationship. If you ask too often and they actually are okay with being poly, you may annoy them. The only way to resolve that is to make sure you can openly communicate about anything and everything. All involved parties must be comfortable telling each other about their pain points and be sure that a disagreement will only strengthen instead of weaken the relationship because everyone will try to find a good solution.