For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I’ve never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It’s sentimental.
I don’t like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It’s perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don’t like new things.
We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?
We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I’m not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don’t like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?
I see a lot of “just accept the gift” here, but that’s a rough choice. If you accept the gift, then you would be expected to use it over the one that you like. Your wife may even go so far as to throw the other one away (depending on what it is). So I don’t think accepting the gift was ever an option.
It really is a hard spot to be put in, and I would have probably done the same thing in your position, even though I hate denying gifts. The whole premise of gifting is flawed, imo, at least where I’m from. To me, the one being gifted is put more on the spot than the one gifting. I hate getting gifts for this reason.
So maybe this. Explain why you like the one you use better, but that you’re very happy with the gift. Ask her if it’s okay if you keep that gift as a backup if your first one breaks and store it by the first one “just in case”. Its never bad to have two of something.
You don’t have to use the gift often. Just show appreciation for it.
You are literally saying just lie to them because deception and untruth is a good thing.
They DO NOT appreciate the gift itself. The giving of A gift is different from the gift itself. And that is the important distinction here that make it a lie or not
A white lie to make others feel good is a good thing.
That’s text book manipulation
Manipulating people so they don’t feel bad when their acts of kindness don’t please you is better than bluntly but honestly crushing their spirits.
Disagree
I once told my grandma I didn’t care for her cooking and she went home and killed herself, so consider it from my perspective
That’s so terrible. I’m sorry you had to live through that. It wasn’t your fault