My mind did not register swan at first for some reason. I pictured a goose for some reason. I was confused and just thought that the guy should have just open hand popped it in the face and it would back down. Geese nest all the time in my area, so fighting off a goose is fairly normal … but then I registered “Swan”. Nope, you don’t want to mess with it.
Pitty he didn’t have officer Nicholas Angel to help.
You mean Nicholas Angle?
When I was much younger I had heard for the first time a swan circling the shore of my lake in the dead of night. It was this eerie swooshing sound, like huge wings, accompanied by the weirdest nasally grunting. This thing circled the entire lake multiple times, but I could see nothing in the dark.
Now, I was probably just high, as I usually was during that period, but I remember taking to social media to ask if anyone else had “heard something weird flying around the lake” the night before. Unfortunately, people thought I was talking about a UFO, and I wound up being ridiculed for it.
It took me years before I had finally witnessed a swan doing the same thing in the light of day, and was able to finally drop my half-baked fear that Nosferaru had been taking to the skies at night in my lake community.
I wish people stopped putting punchlines before the setup.
It’s like putting Descartes before the whores.
It really does decrease the effect of the bit.
Apex predator of the lake
I’ve been diving away from swans before, those bastards are pure rage.
Just grab its neck? They weight like 10 kgs, no?
He handled that dinosaur like a fucking boss.
Didn’t even need to put his bag down.
Well, I can’t believe fighting a bird has come up twice in a two day span.
But, how are you going to grab its neck?
You’re in the water, with a big-ass set of wings pounding at you, a beak that is pounding at you, with their raucous calls disorienting you.
You aren’t going to be seeing clearly. You’ll be blinking, flinching, and maybe even keeping your eyes closed so they don’t get injured.
And now you want to reach out and grab that moving neck.
I’m not saying it’s impossible. But it isn’t exactly as easy as people seem to think.
I’ve been attacked by geese while fishing. And it was on land, where I should have an advantage what with being able to stand firmly. I’ve fought humans and dogs before and come away with only minor injuries. Big birds are harder to manage.
But, nah, you aren’t just precisely grabbing the neck of a big-ish bird when it comes at you. You think you’re fast, and you may be. But you aren’t enraged bird fast.
Those necks are also wiggly and feathered. So getting a grip if you manage to make the initial grab isn’t a guarantee.
Then what are you going to do with it? Even on land, you aren’t going to be able to 100% kill the bird just because you have its neck. You aren’t going to be able to just throw it either.
In the water? Your footing is less stable to begin with, so all of the above is harder.
Also, killing or injuring the bird isn’t necessarily desirable. You can get into trouble doing that, depending on where it happens. Even if you won’t, swans and geese don’t attack humans just because. There’s always a reason because fighting is dangerous. Aggression definitely has a survival benefit, but not when it’s random.
So now you’re the asshole that went somewhere there were birds nesting, or eating, or resting and instead of backing off when they warned you (and they usually do), and you’re trying to injure or kill it when all it wants is you to go away. That’s a seriously douchey thing to do.
Think about it.
Yea no you didn’t fight people, nor dogs nor did you ever fought that bird! You know that lying about this is super super sad?
Grabbing the also wouldn’t be hard if you actually thought about it! Its fucken largest part of that bird! I distinctly remember a viral video of an old man doing it with ease! And what on earth are you on about how fast it would be? You think its gonna dodge? Its wants to bite you!
Also if an animal were to attack a person unprovoked, it relinquishes any and all right to its wellbeing or even its life!
The fuck is wrong with you?
You know, its really really really obvious when you are making things in a subject you have no idea about! You wrote and entire chapter to a discussion about you doing the thing we are talking about and you wrote one sentence about not even bothering to make up any circumstances? Oh but you mentioned how strong you are? Fighting people and and and dogs too!
Its fine to imagine that you big big tough boy, its even fine that you jerk off to it! I don’t care, not even that you are apparently into getting your arse kicked by a 10kg bird which has hollowed bones… But its fucking pathetic that you post about it like you are some sort of expert!
you don’t want to fight a swan, they’re like geese but upscaled. when i was taking photos of them once from a distance, i heard one make a noise like an actual dinosaur. do not fuck with swans, especially if the have their children around
I’ve seen a single swan absolutely beat the shit out of a handful of geese over an extended period of time. I’ve seen plenty of predators and prey, but this was pretty disturbing. Maybe because it wasn’t a predator in that fight at all.
Every human in earshot was standing around like “do we… do something? It’s nature, but… that’s fucked up”
I’d say both the swan and the geese are predators. Some of the most dangerous things around (mainly to fish) unless you’re in an area with crocs or gators. I guess they also share space with dangerous snakes and various African and Australian animals but I’m talking more about areas I’ve been.
I wouldn’t want to? They are the things known for their agression! And an animal loses all sympathy once it attacks me unprovoked!
Depends on the age. Fully grown ones can weigh a lot more than 10kg. Source
Fuck a duck
You’ve definitely never been ambushed and attacked by a swan, those fuckers are crazy, I got in a few fights with the local swans when I was younger, you’d be surprised at how tough those little fuckers are. They’re like upmarket geese.
Canadian geese hiss and that shit can startle the shit out of someone. Imagine hearing a snake out of a goose.
I’ve heard their wings can break your arm, so it might not be just as simple as that. Still probably a good first step. But if this happened when he’s out swimming where he can’t stand, that would be an advantage for the swan.
I have been put KO by a chicken when I tried to catch it and it hits me with one of its wing. So I can totally seen a swan fucks you up with his wings.
I think that is a myth. Birds have hollow bones me thinks.
Hollow doesn’t mean weaker, just lighter
I would like my chances… grab it by the neck, swing it like a hammer at the ground
…while swimming?
Around about there yeah, they can get up about 15kg but most are smaller. There are videos of people grabbing them by the neck and putting them back in the water.
But people love to overplay geese and swans as these powerful beasts because of how aggressive and loud they are, and that they can cause bleeding and such with their beak. Some even throw around the idea that they can break your arm. Meanwhile their bones are much smaller and honeycombed. They’re about the strength of a really stale breadstick.
