I cannot keep my job. Firstly because I’m on FMLA (unpaid medical leave) for a mystery illness and I cannot guarantee that, even if finally diagnosed, I will be recovered by the 12 week maximum allotted.
Secondly because we’ve put our daughter in online school due to severe bullying. The program she’s in now is awful and I have to help her through her English lessons (she’s in 7th grade and they’re having her read 18th century texts). We’re switching her to a new program next semester which requires a parent to be a full-time “learning coach” for their kid to keep them on track.
It’s a terrible job. I absolutely hate it. The pay is low, the job is boring, my co-workers don’t really care about my existence, and my bosses are friendly but unreasonable. The only thing I like is that I have a hybrid schedule where I can work from home for 18 hours a week. But spending the other 22 hours in the office sucks. I spend the whole time wearing noise-cancelling headphones just to get through the time there. I’ve wanted to leave this job for a good year now although I admit I wasn’t trying very hard to find another one.
But I just can’t bring myself to resign. I don’t know why. Something is stopping me like it’s the wrong thing to do. I know I will be happier even though we will be on a single income, I am doing the right thing for my daughter, and I have no idea when this medical issue will be resolved.
I was going to write the resignation letter last Friday. Every day I mean to write it and every day I just can’t do it. I know I have to do it soon. Maybe even today. But something won’t let me do it. My brain is telling me I can’t quit.
Thanks for reading my rant. I don’t know why I wrote it. I guess I needed to let it out to someone other than my wife and my boss follows me on non-anonymous social media so I can’t really talk about it there.
EDIT: I wrote the email, showed it to my wife to see what she thought and sent it. Now all I have to do is sit back and wait for a reply, but I’m shaking.
To whom it may concern,
I regret to inform you I must resign my position with (company), I’ve enjoyed my time here and appreciate the opportunities provided. If permitted I would like to give two weeks notice, that would place my last shift on (date two weeks from you sending this).
Thank you,
(Name)
There, I wrote a basic one for you, I’ve received a few of these as an it manager over the years and the basic ones are like this. You don’t have to provide a reason in the letter, in fact it’s often easier if you don’t, especially if part of the reason is workplace toxicity like you described. Just tell them you’re leaving, you appreciate the opportunity, and go after two weeks. The last part is important as you may need a job in dire straits one day and having left here in good terms may mean they’ll be willing to put you on payroll again. In some companies they don’t let you do two weeks due to security concerns but I don’t know your position well enough to say what will happen there.
I appreciate you doing that for me, but I actually know exactly what I’m going to write. It’s all written in my head. I just can’t get it on the screen. That said, it’s because I want to leave on good terms that I want to explain to them why I’m leaving. Especially when my boss follows me on social media and she’ll find out why regardless. I imagine she would feel better about it if she didn’t find out that way.
As far as the two weeks, since I’m on FMLA anyway, it’s irrelevant. They already have someone in place doing my job.
Again, I appreciate the effort you put into it. Thank you.
I don’t mean to be a dick, but blasting your prior workplace on social media is not really something you should lean into.
You’re the only one who really cares about your position there. Even your good friends don’t give a shit. A job is a job. I don’t care where my friends work and they don’t care where I work.
If you want to be honest about why you’re leaving, go for it. But don’t go posting on SM how it was such a bad place. That just seems immature tbh. Again, nobody cares about this job like you do. Don’t make social media your diary.
This is an anonymous forum. I didn’t say what the job was or who I worked for and I didn’t identify myself. And other people have been quite helpful.
My read from their response was relating to your statement that “she’ll find out anyway (on social media)”, assuming you’ll be posting your reasoning after the fact – not from this Lemmy post. Just my 2c.
Yes, because I want my friends to know what’s happening in my life just like they let me know what’s happening in theirs. I’m not posting it to a bunch of people I don’t know.
Use email.
That is the plan.
There’s a lot of cultural forces keeping people at jobs. We’re told to never quit from everything. We’re told it in school, movies, sitcoms and stories so it feel wrong and bad to quit. Especially true for work. The Office made Josh Porter the villain for quitting a failing paper company for a senior position at a successful company. And that’s a feel good sitcom
Not too mention that our work is highly tied to our identities to a fault. The classic first question you ask anyone is what do you do for work. Not too mention the guilt business put on people to come in because their coworkers have to fill in. Since most people like their coworker this feels like letting them down. But it’s the company letting them down by not replacing you or staffing at the correct level.
So everything you are feeling is normal especially if you have never quit a job before. It’s hard but you are going to feel amazing when you do it. There’s no feeling like quitting a job you hate
Thank you. I appreciate all that you said and I agree with all of it. I also never thought about the whole ‘never quit’ thing being linked to my problem here. That makes a lot of sense.
Why resign? Just let the maximum time lapse and let them terminate you when they decide it’s time to make a stink about it. Then collect unemployment benefits.
For one thing, they want me to get my doctor to fill out a form and send it back to them and after a while, they’re going to ask my why I haven’t sent it back.
Then submit the form from your doctor on the very last day, no need to do it earlier.
If I may offer a counter-point, I’ve been the supervisor of an employee that was on leave with no expectation of returning to work. I supported their decision and made sure that they had access to our employer’s health benefits, medical and mental, and tried to help with placement opportunities as much as i could. Though as the supervisor I was not able to hire someone else to do the work while the employee, who had made clear they would not perform the job any longer, was still technically employed.
Submit it or not, getting your thoughts out on paper is a good idea.
In your notes, don’t worry about what your boss would think, do any sort of self-censoring, just be true to yourself on how you feel about the job, your situation. Would you even want to go back if your job was secured? From what you say, I doubt it.
My suggestion would be a short succinct resignation letter. If something about the job that you wanted to talk about that caused you to resign, request an exit interview (though if they don’t care about you or why you’re leaving then you won’t get one, and that’s fine).
If you have the energy despite your sickness, you might as well spend time looking around for other jobs while recovering on sick leave/short term disability. Make sure you will have a plan to survive in the corporate healthcare hellscape that is the USA.
Lastly, take a moment to evaluate what you care about most: your job, coworkers and boss, your career, your S.O. and daughter, your physical and mental health. All the job related ones should be at the bottom to all the rest.
You use the scare words “18th century texts” but there’s nothing inherently inappropriate about that. Shakespeare wrote his works around the turn of the 17th century, for example, and plenty of those are appropriate for junior high. What’s the actual problem?
They are not appropriate for that age. We’ve looked up the grade level. Most of them are high school level texts.
Read this and tell me you think it’s appropriate for a seventh grader who was previously reading contemporary books written for teens:
First the omission of a bill of rights providing clearly & without the aid of sophisms for freedom of religion, freedom of the press, protection against standing armies, restriction against monopolies, the eternal & unremitting force of the habeas corpus laws, and trials by jury in all matters of fact triable by the laws of the land & not by the law of Nations. To say, as Mr. Wilson does, that a bill of rights was not necessary because all is reserved in the case of the general government which is not given, while in the particular ones all is given which is not reserved, might do for the Audience to whom it was addressed, but is surely a gratis dictum, opposed by strong inferences from the body of the instrument, as well as from the omission of the clause of our present confederation which had declared that in express terms. . . . Let me add that a bill of rights is what the people are entitled to against every government on earth, general or particular, & what no just government should refuse or rest on inference. . . .
I can barely understand that. I had to look up ‘gratis dictum.’
A Grade 7 student is learning absolutely nothing from this text. It’s textual diarrhea.
Agreed. They give her texts like that because they’re public domain.
I was lamenting our (I’m assuming you’re in USA based on writing) need-to-work culture just the other day to my partner. My mother just had major surgery and described feeling guilty for taking things easy during recovery. This prompted me to think about how many times I’ve felt guilty calling-out when sick. It’s a completely fucked up way of thinking. People in Europe often criticize our work-culture on forums.
Just do it. It’s hard. Do it anyway. Just say, “I’m done.” You’ll be surprised how easy it was after and you’ll realize it wasn’t as big as you’d feared.
I agree. It sucks a lot. I don’t know if that’s what it is in my case. I was out of work for a long time when unemployment was high and maybe that’s what it is? Even though the situation here is different.
Don’t quit. Tell them you’re working 40 hours from home. Let them fire you if that’s a problem. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t.
I’m on medical leave and they aren’t paying me while I’m on leave, so I don’t think that will work.
When you return I mean.
I won’t be returning except to pick up my things. I’m quitting while still on leave.
My opinion is that life is too short to spend that much of it at some place you hate. I thought I was going to pursue nursing as a career, too college classes, I was working part time at a hospital, and I went home from my job and constantly complained about work and dreaded going back there. I liked most of the people I worked with and the patients but the bureaucracy of the whole thing made the job impossible from everyone. I’m not sure what switched but I finally decided that I didn’t want to work at some place that was going to make me miserable. I’m not sure if my sharing that story helps but that’s my two cents.
I agree with you completely. The issue here is I’m not working there now anyway since I’m on unpaid medical leave. It’s not really any different from not working there at all. And I know I’m never going back. So I’m already not spending any more time at a place I hate. I just can’t bring myself to make it official.
What are the benefits of sending the letter in, as opposed to just… not?
For one thing, they say nice things about you to future employers checking up on your employment history.
For employment references, many companies will only acknowledge that you worked there and the dates.
Is it worth taking that chance when I can leave on a good note?
That’s completely up to you, I’m just saying how things work as I understand them.
What country are you in?
In the USA, they do not. They only confirm what dates you worked there.
Try this.
Set aside exactly an hour.
During the hour, you have two rules:
1.) You don’t have to write your resignation letter.
2.) You can’t do anything else.
After the hour you’re free, see what happens.
Thanks. That’s a good suggestion.
Also, keep in mind that you can also have a more generalized resignation letter for HR but call your boss to a 1on1 to resign in person/video call. It’s how I left my old job of 9 years with a boss I liked
I voluntarily changed jobs last year, even though I wanted to leave, I found it hard to convince myself to start searching for a new one. When it came to hand in my notice, even though I had already informed people I was leaving, actually sending in my notice was one of the most terrifying things I have done.
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I wish I knew what was holding me back.
Change is hard, leaving an existing job for the unknown is scary. Even if you don’t like where you are now, you at least know what it is like. Concentrate on the reasons you want to leave, not why you think you should stay.
That’s true. I will try to do that.
I think this is very likely the reason OP feels the way they do. I just left a job after 2-1/2 years. I knew I didn’t want to stay there from the moment I started. It was an in-beteeen job while I looked for something better. I knew it, my bosses knew it. I was so excited about the prospect of finding a new job and actually doing something better with my life. However, the moment I actually got a job offer, that excitement turned to anxiety and dread. I was venturing into the unknown. My mind instantly shifted to focus on all the negatives of the new job.
Change is terrifying. So much so that sometimes we simply try to do nothing in order to avoid it.
First of all, if you get STD/LTD through work you shouldn’t quit. Your job is protected while you’re on FMLA and you will be paid 50+% of your wages. Even if they displace you after 12 weeks, you can continue to be paid wages until your doctor clears you to return to work. At that time, if they don’t have a job for you, or even if they DO, then you can resign.
Edit: I didn’t have a second of all.
I am not being paid wages. I think there are different types of FMLA. This is unpaid. Unless they’re doing something illegal, but I don’t think they are.
FMLA just protects your job. Short term and long term disability are sometime provided by your employer, sometimes an optional benefit you can sign up for via paycheck deductions. Worth investigating if you’re unsure, as you may need to contact a third party to initiate the process.
Ah yeah, they aren’t offering disability. Technically they don’t even have to offer FMLA because the company has less than 50 employees, making them exempt, but they offer it anyway.
FMLA guarantees nothing about getting paid.
That depends on your company having some kind of short/long-term disability insurance. Even that sometimes requires that you opt into it and pay a premium, though many companies do include it with them paying the premium.
Please read my first sentence more carefully. Thanks!
youve got every reason to do it! itll be okay, it seems like youve got every plan in place!
I’ve read through the comments here, and I wanted to add.
You’ve said that you know what you’re going to say, that you have it written in your head. Between the lines there, it sounds like you might have a “give them a little piece of my mind” in the works. Something like “I’m not coming back, and here’s all the reasons why.”
That can definitely be a hard thing to put in writing and deliver. It would be reasonably expected to create conflict. Perhaps it would satisfy some personal need to explain yourself, or a sense of responsibility to give them information on how they might make things better for the people still there.
If those things are standing in your way (and I might be completely off base, forgive me if I am), remember that you don’t owe them anything. You’re not at all obliged to give any reason for your departure. “I am tendering my resignation, effective immediately” is all you need to say. If they want to have some kind of exit interview, then you can decide whether you want to do that or not - but once you’ve separated, they have no power to force you to do so.
Doing it that way separates the “resignation” part from the “explanation” part.
No, I absolutely do not want to give them a piece of my mind. I want to give them the reasons I’m not returning, but they don’t involve the job at all. As I said, it’s because of my illness and my daughter. I’ve never let on that I hate the job and I want to leave on good terms. I know what I’m going to write because I’ve gone over it in my head many times. But it’s not belligerent or accusatory. In fact, I’m planning on starting out bullshitting about “thank you for giving me the opportunity to work for you.”
But I do want to let them know why I’m leaving because it has nothing to do with them and they will likely appreciate an explanation.
If it were me - and I know you’re not me - I would still leave that as vague as possible, or leave it out entirely. “Due to personal concerns, I am tendering …” While it’s certainly possible (probable?) that certain individuals at the company would have some care and concern for your personal situation, the company does not care one bit. I stand pretty firm on the principle of keeping my personal life private and separate to the greatest extent possible.
You’ll sort it out, and then it’ll be behind you.
I can see where you’re coming from. I just would hate for my former boss to see me talk about this on social media where I’m not anonymous after I quit. And since she follows me, she would. I think it would sour things if I ever needed a recommendation from them or a future employee called them about me.
Keep your official resignation letter very short and direct. I personally recommend “The Nixon”, but the other suggestions here are also good.
For anything else, think about the best way to say it. If you think your boss actually cares about your reasons (which I doubt, because I have to assume you brought up those same concerns before), send them separately. Use a text, phone call, or whatever is appropriate for what you have to say.
Ahhhh there’s the thing. That falls into my whole “keep personal and work separate.” I don’t make anything social media known to work, specifically because of things like that.
I didn’t want her to. She sent me a request and I didn’t know what to do, so I said yes. I wouldn’t have done it had I thought harder about it.
Is it just a work relationship, or do you socialize together outside of work? If it’s the former, just remove/block her once you are no longer employed.
If it’s the latter, then your resignation letter isn’t the place for it anyway.
It’s the former, but I don’t know if blocking them is a good idea if I want them to say good things about me to a possible future employer.
Commenting so I can come back here later to feel better about my shitty job. Chin up op :)
Just have ChatGPT write it for you. That might lower the effort barrier enough that it’ll push you across the line on it.
I appreciate that idea, but I know exactly what I’m going to write. I have it all in my head. I just can’t bring myself to actually type it.
You can always try setting a low effort goal. Write two or three sentences for now and then take a break if you feel like it, or keep going if it gets you in the groove.
That’s an interesting idea. I’ll try and see if I can do that. Thanks.
