I have to pay for my mental health.
TL;DR: it’s been the hardest and worst influence in my mental health at pretty much every point in my life.
We moved a lot as a kid and my parents fought a lot. Why? Because my dad was in the army because there just wasn’t economic opportunity otherwise. I still have some psychological scarring regarding food security, and I’ll have something akin to a panic attack if I eat something that tastes anything like Berry Berry Kix because we bought like a pallet of it when it was on sale one time and it’s all I had for months.
When I graduated high school in 2007, I didn’t attend the ceremony. Why? Because I needed to work. I didn’t want to be economically trapped, so I worked as much as I could so I could pay for community college and then transfer credits to a 4 year school and hopefully get some kind of scholarship based on my good grades. While in community college, that plan changed drastically because of the 2008 recession. I managed to complete my 2 year degree though, thankfully.
In 2013, my mom died. She was 51, almost 52. She was very sick in a country that doesn’t take care of the health of its people. She drank heavily from the stress of money being tight, and she smoked since a very early age, so I can’t squarely blame capitalism entirely for her early death, but doctors weren’t interested in helping somebody who was already so far gone that her death would hurt their statistics. In any case, this launched a deep depression in which I stopped finding joy in any sense of artistic expression or productivity for a long while. I stopped caring so much about whether I was alive.
Soon afterwards, while I was already at a low point, I had a boss that was extremely abusive. I learned what gaslighting is. Nothing I ever did was ever worth an attaboy, but not getting screamed at became the reward I would seek. Basically Whiplash, but with chefs instead of musicians. My employment prospects were extremely limited, so I was stuck there. I strongly considered escaping it in the only way I had control over it all, but thankfully opted for a hail mary risk that happened to pay off; I quit and took a temp job scrubbing toilets.
It’s a long story, but that led step by step to my current job operating a combined cycle power plant at about $130k/year. I met a lovely woman in July 2016, married her in September 2020 (despite the covid of it all), and we just bought our first house yesterday. Despite my eventual successes in life, I still bash this economic system because I knew that ultimately I just got really lucky. But this isn’t the ending. I wouldn’t be surprised if housing crashes again at some point and it turns out that we shouldn’t have bought. Idk, we’re just doing our best here.
I could talk for hours about how profit motivations and economic struggles caused people to clamor for returning to school and work at the peak of the pandemic, which caused a million preventable deaths, but that barely moves the needle in terms of my personal mental health. I was an “essential” worker, which really just means “expendable” but I had already come to terms with that by then. It would be more appropriate to talk about how the music industry changes have impacted my interest in making music since I know it’s astronomical that it could ever even be a hobby that pays for itself, let alone make a little extra through gigs.
I hear from people when I cook or play music or engage in other hobbies and interests that I should (paraphrasing here) find a way to monetize that. These things are my escape from capitalist hellfire. They are the pressure relief valve. Why in the fuck would I invite that vampire into my safe haven? I’d much rather give my music away or give away cooking tips. I don’t want to cater your fucking wedding. I don’t want to track how many listens my mediocre music might get on Spotify. I just want to create.
I make money at work and I make happy at home.
Can you share your music on here?
Sure. Here’s a song a friend wrote with me and then I recorded in Audacity. I didn’t realize just how very Andrew Bird it is until much later lol.
Sounds very good! Thank you for sharing
I get to stress about my 80 year-old parents driving for Doordash every day, in my car, and I have to trust that they’re going to keep up with the oil changes and new tires and other maintenance.
Because when that car dies there is no backup plan. No one will employ them at their age and both major parties are content to let them starve if they don’t have some other means of paying for the privilege of surviving in America.
If we got people who lived through greatest prosperity for working class in the world history, Lord have mercy upon people retiring behind them who ain’t elite or made super good/lucky decisions to get from under the capitalist boot.
The other thing is that we’re going to have many more elderly people who outlive their savings in the coming generation.
The only good thing in all this was that watching their struggles impressed upon me at an early age the importance of savings, so even at my most destitute I’ve never chosen not to.
At the end of the way, people will need to accept that for the time being you either belo yourself first or you will suffer without recourse.
With that being said, we all can and must shill for structural reform even if the fight is futile.
I always tell people: You can look at the last 44 years and know definitively that, at least in an economic sense, no one you’re voting for cares about your welfare.
So instead of donating your money to political candidates, who have billionaires backing them and don’t need your money, save or invest that money instead.
At least your investments will have some measure of representation.
My gf was suckered into getting a master’s degree. It was the worst financial decision of her life. The financial burden has caused her to spiral into a dark place which in turn has effected our relationship and my mental state as well. That’s on top of my own issues. I could really use some health care.
I got to couch surf while still working for several months this year because the person who owned the building I was planning to continue living in wanted more money. Did wonders for my mental health
It’s been miraculous for me. Everyday I wake up in my spacious apartment and hop to the shops to buy a sandwich breakfast whilst whistling merrily at my landlord who grins at me and does a double thumbs up. As I joyfully catch my bus to work, I strike up a conversation with my fellow colleagues and we trade baking recipes and natter about the calm weather. I then saunter into the office where my boss pats me on the shoulder and offers me a raise. After a productive day making the world more efficient, I head to the park and sit on a bench whilst watching the sunset with friends.
(…what kind of answers were you expecting…?)
Tech bro at a non-startup life right there.
This life does not exist, it is a fantasy seen in films and TV shows about young rich creatives.
Tech bro at a non-startup isn’t just like that, but can be very similar. It’s also living in a bubble though. The trick is to find a place with most of the benefits without the crunch.
My mental health is pretty solid, but it’s in spite of capitalism. I do pretty well at managing stress, I don’t have any real mental health concerns or other issues. I’m physically pretty healthy, have a decent head on my shoulders, and am lucky enough to work a job thats very secure and for me is pretty enjoyable and pays well enough that I’m not struggling in any significant way.
But damn-near every ounce of stress or anxiety I ever experience has to do with money. What if I lose my job, what if I have a health problem, what if I need a new car, what if my house burns down, etc.
Big one-time infusion of cash or a decent enough raise would eliminate just about every source of stress I have.
Money really do work like that. People won’t get better until they got sufficient economic security to get of base level subsitance thinking.
However, the regime’s actions indicate that’s exactly what they don’t want. They are grinding people to deathw with work and savage social conditions and making up labour shortage with migrant infusions which also suppress wages.
Sad reality since most people still haven’t caught up to speed it seems. Nothing will change until critical mass starts acting in their own self interest and get a backbone.
Money really do work like that. People won’t get better until they got sufficient economic security to get of base level subsitance thinking.
This is very true. I’ve been a heavy saver my whole adult life and I have a number I want to hit. If things stay mostly the same for me, I should hit it within the next 10-15 years, and then I’m putting in my two weeks.
I don’t need to be like one of these people who keeps making money until I die. I just want to hit a number that gives me independence and security and I’m out.
I make a really good living but seeing how we treat the homeless makes me realize just how little society actually cares about us. I’m just here so long as I am making someone more money. So fuck that, I stared a family and now they got to deal with this future as well, but at least we’re in it together.
I spend most of my time on working with others to destroy it.
It’s just really boring I guess. As a kid I didn’t realize how pointless it all is. Go to work, make money to pay bills, be tired after work and watch TV…
Thank god for working from home, it gives some relief from the process.
But yeah, it’s the same in communist countries I guess… Just without all the stuff we can buy.
That’s more or less American capitalist propaganda. Those are not the only options, and there are prosperous nations with regulated capitalism and strong workers rights where people have stuff and also have time to live life. They just don’t spend most of their money on the military.
Yeah I know, I’m not American myself. It’s absolutely possible to have a balance, but it requires companies to not be so rich and above the law that they can control the laws.
Biggest issue with communism is not even the economic system but the regime disappearing people and other repression. Granted our regime does these thing just with more of that capitalist zeal.
But there is a reason why European countries flipped ASAP after USSR collapse and you hardly ever see people from there cry for it to return even with whatever issues they got right now which are pretty much US style shit 5 years behind.
It’s an authoritarian thing. A lot of the rebels against the USSR were communists (most notably the red navy’s rebellion at Kronstadt). It’s a shame that communism has become synonymous to much of the world with the authoritarianism of some of its’ factions.
All fo them took the Russian style communism which it self is just continuation of Russian emperial habits they inherited from Mongols.
Chinese, Koreas etc could have chose differently.
Vietnam does seem to be a bit different or we just don’t know as much about their crimes.
Chinese communism seems very much to be born of a fusion of USSR and Chinese imperial styles. But one important thing to remember about communist revolutions between 1918 and the 1990s is that the USSR played a major role in a lot of them. This is where you see such things as the betrayal in Catalonia and massive splits in western leftism as Marxist-Leninists and Maoists had backing and anarchists didn’t.
Capitalism makes me view the world and society as manufactured. Nothing I buy brings me true happiness, because it is just a means to survive or bring some bare minimum amount of comfort. Nothing out there to watch, play, read, listen to brings authentic joy as they once did, knowing how much capitalism has affected all of those mediums.
I’ve had to watch my dreams and ambitions die on the chopping block, because they’d require a level of financial stability or requirement I’d never ever get to see in my life even now.
They say you should turn your hobbies into a job. Well to me, my idea of a hobby is to enjoy and to escape. To monetize it, would mean I have to let that toxic friend be more of a friend than I am already at a discomfort with being my unintentional friend in the first place.
I already have a very jarred and jaded outlook on everything in the world, thanks to capitalism. I even despise the word ‘consumer’ because that’s a derogatory term to devalue people by, but we’ve come to accept it unfortunately.
And one day, I will be a victim of this capitalism. I am just one car repair or emergency visit away from wanting sweet release.
It has vastly improved it since I, who don’t fit into social structures well, am able to take advantage of the particularly diverse niches of the free market to carve out a living for myself.
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