Harder tack: Magically compressed ships biscuits, commissioned by an admiral who heard of lembas bread but found it too expensive. His corpse was found in the harbour waters a week later.
One contains enough calories to last you a week of hard work, but you need a chisel and a sledgehammer to crack it into pieces and one hand-sized biscuit weighs 3kg. It tastes like cement dust.
Bag of Olding: A very generously sized bag of holding, however it unfortunately speeds up the passage of time significantly inside it. Don’t store food in it!
Scroll of Gorilla Warfare. When used summons 15 gorillas. These gorillas are wild and do not obey orders given by the caster.
The gorillas disappear after 1d12 rounds. This effect ‘echoes’ 1d6 times, effectively recasting the spell after 1d6 rounds.
Band of Gorilla Repair: Once per day, can repair anything, or rather, will summon 1d4 (can be modified depending on the size of the job) massive gorillas who show up seemingly out of nowhere whenever anything near the wearer breaks or is heavily damaged. The gorillas can repair anything.
Those not expecting to see a bunch of repair-happy gorillas must make a fear check.
These mysterious gorillas are actually friendly and fix whatever thing was broken, but beware, their patience quickly runs out for anybody intentionally causing disrepair or destruction in their presence!
Bag of Communal Holding
Content is shared with all other bags of communal holding in existence. Sometimes retrieving objects involves awkward hand contact if someone else is using their bag at the same time.
Not accidentally holding a strangers hand. This is the worst one by far.
Even more hilarious if you could accidentally pull out someone else trying to retrieve objects from the bag. Would be kind of awkward getting them back to their origin though…
Potion of Water Breathing: DOES NOT RETAIN AIR BREATHING
Scroll of summon wisp.
When used nothing appears, but you gain a speech impediment for 1d6 days.
Owo what a tewwible cuwse to put on youwselwf…
i hawe a fudden defiwe fow wabbit
But it is duck season.
How do I delete someone else’s comment?
You down’t :3
Become a moderator
*modewatow
ew
As always, the real cursed item is in the replies
Cape of (Refugee) Flight: you gain the power to fly for your life.
Screaming Cloak of Invisibility: you’re invisible, but the cloak constantly screams, “HE’S OVER HERE!!!” and tries to give away your location.
The Tax Axe: raises both your taxes and your target’s with every swing.
The Tax Axe might be the most evil weapon ever devised.
Wielded correctly, in the hands of someone self-sacrificial, it could rectify many of society’s wrongs.
I’m thinking more like, set up a carnival with axe throwing for the elites. Dont tell them the axe is cursed
I admire that you came up with a much more peaceful and creative approach. But mine might be more fun, if we can get a group together.
I might actually steal that cloak for my D&D campaign lol
I was thinking something like flight but only in directions away from enemies.
Cape of (White) Flight could be fun, too.
:) I’m flattered. They’re fun things to come up with.
A potion of True Healing… heals 1d8+2 damage, recipient MUST truthfully answer the next question they are asked. Sell the characters 6, but don’t tell them about the truth serum. Let them figure it out on their own.
Boots of Elvenkind… except Elves can hear you.
A bag of holding that contains infinite clowns. Every time it is opened, 1d4 clowns come out. The clowns are useless in combat and attempt to distract, annoy and mock the holder. While this could be used as a distraction, the clowns will follow the holder, drawing attention to them. You could create a table for what kind of clowns you get (mime clowns, pie throwing clowns, balloon animal clowns, magician clowns, etc). The clowns will wander off after 1d6 minutes. Where the clowns go and what they are (Illusions? Demons?) is unknown.
There’s so much role playing potential in the ability to create a giant mob of clowns at will by repeatedly opening and closing the bag. You almost don’t need anything else!
Spawn them as a distraction!
Use them to hide!
Plug any entry or hallway at will!
Build yourself a mountain of clowns to scale any wall!
Never starve again with their endless supply of pies! (Eaten fresh off your face.)
Use their weight to bring down any air-/ship!
Air drop them on your enemies! (Assuming they have a weight and are bound by gravity, they do damage - all you need is a bit of levitation, a tower, airship or a ceiling to hang from.)
Just crush your entire party by spawning hundreds of them in a closed room!
The possibilities are truly endless.
As a diabolical GM, I can think of so many ways to make these strategies backfire. :D
That’s half the fun! Sometimes, the true clown you spawn is yourself.
I can’t see any of these working as intended. Clowns don’t subscribe to reality
Spawn them as a distraction!
Some of them cause a big distraction that accidentally points directly towards those you don’t want to be seen.
Use them to hide!
One of them will look giant and big to hide you while the others honk and gesture/point behind, clearly showing where you are.
Build yourself a mountain of clowns to scale any wall!
Crabs in a bucket. None will let you climb. You must stay to hear their jokes…
Never starve again with their endless supply of pies!
Shaving cream pies. Ain’t nobody got time to bake 30 coconut creams
Use their weight to bring down any air-/ship
They all blow up helium balloons to help it float. Unless you want it to float in which case their balloons turn into bowling balls at the last second with a big shrug.
Air drop them on their enemies!
See balloons
Just crush your entire party by spawning hundreds of them in a closed room!
Clown car logic. You’re all “crushed” but it’s just extremely difficult terrain.
Luckily, most of these arguments assume living clowns. Something that can be easily remedied, it just shifts the entire problem space to doing it fast enough!
On that note, what’s their EXP value?
If my PCs responded to the clowns this way, I would absolutely make the clowns demons and the “bag of holding” a portal to a circus themed layer of the Abyss. And that’s the campaign now.
It turns out the ruler of this layer of the abyss appreciates your lust for violence and mass murder. That’s probably not actually… good? For you?
I don’t know about you, but the prospect of becoming a warlock themed around blood, flesh and clownery sounds pretty sweet to me!
I’d definitely play that campaign.
I would definitely let you play that in my campaign. Also reminds me of that bad guy from One Piece.
Immortal Clowns of Jest. Zero XP and their death only fuels development of further abilities
They just despawn and it’s 1/10^(78) xp per clown.
A fraction of 1 EP for each atom in the universe.
Exactly this. Also, one of the clowns will have a trombone to play sad trombone noises at you.
Sell the bag to a lich to keep him from robbing graves, collect big $$$ for the unique magic item, and the bounty from the town
Just crush your entire party by spawnibg hundreds of them in a closed room!
Relevant (semi-NSFL) scene from Invincible season 3.
Jesus…
That’s certainly not great, but this show has way worse.
Never starve again with their endless supply of pies!
Probably bad that without the parentheses, I was already assuming this was some kind of horrific Sweeny Todd situation.
No, but the pies are a bit off, so they always give you the runs.
That’s just practical thinking right here! Someone else argued for shaving cream pies, which naturally leads to the counterpoint of cannibalism.
Bag of holding, but everything that goes in comes out a crocheted plushie version.
bag of holding, but the encantment is on the futz so it’s only like 10% larger on the inside.
I just thought of the most evil shit you could do with this.
They buy the bag and it comes preloaded with a couple lil crocheted trinkets that are cutesy and like grandma made it for adventurers. A lil mealkit, a ration pack, a lil sword and shield but also a doll. As they slowly start to realize what the bag does they remember the doll and start freaking out about what if it was a person who went in there to hide and got turned and we gotta fix 'em! Ends up being a whole quest line to unfuck the bag, the bag items and specifically this doll. At the very end they undo the doll and it turns into a wooden doll. Then when laughter/disappointment just getting to the right point, have the doll talk. Get the joke of it being a doll and they get the expectation they wanted of it being a living being they saved.
Fucking love it. Could be an easy one shot for sure. Have fun with it!
Or, a bag of holding embedded in a doll’s butt. Try being taken seriously when you’re fisting a plushie for a magic potion.
Amulet of speak with the dead - cursed. Once attuned the user can speak with the dead, but can only interpret chat with the living as wailing, any attempts to speak with the living will sound like wailing to the other entity. Removing the item does not break the curse.
Broom of Flying Yes its a broom that allows you to fly
No one ever said anything about landing The broom cannot come down lower than 30 feet from the ground. Dismounting will stop the broom and allow you to pick it up, as long as your concious from the fall
I was hoping it stays up in the air so you have to tie it like a ballon.
That makes it too easy: just attach a ropeladder to the broom. That doesn’t work if the broom stops levitating when you get off.
I missed a trick with that
Your version maybe funnier because one of the safest ways to land is to jump into water, but then the broom is in the water too.
That would actually be pretty amazing for a beach holiday.
Sweaty Sword:
Really good sword, strong steel. The handle is wrapped in living leather harvested from the palms of a cursed pervert. It’s always slightly warmer than your hand and it exudes a sticky substance that enhances grip. Smells like corn.
Survival Stew Balls:
A fried ball of…food. It’s rock hard, slightly too big to hold with one hand easily, completely impermeable, and covered in a flaky, delicate panko breaded crust. To eat, boil one in 5 gallons of water to produce a pot of stew. The flavor is different for every ball. Never cook two in the same pot at the same time. Wash the pot thoroughly within 6 hours after removing from heat. especially if it’s made of iron. Under no circumstances are you to reheat the left overs.
Emergency Shews:
Bubble gum that turns into one time use sandals. Once the flavor runs out, you have 30 seconds before the gum expands into shoes. The sizes seem to have been printed on the gum but they’ve long since faded or rubbed off. Durian flavor.
Dead Cat Bounce:
A black bottle with a cat eye painted on it. If you drink the contents and die due to falling from a great height, you will be revived immediately and launched with equivalent force in a random direction.
Survival Stew Balls:
A fried ball of…food. It’s rock hard, slightly too big to hold with one hand easily, completely impermeable, and covered in a flaky, delicate panko breaded crust. To eat, boil one in 5 gallons of water to produce a pot of stew. The flavor is different for every ball. Never cook two in the same pot at the same time. Wash the pot thoroughly within 6 hours after removing from heat. especially if it’s made of iron. Under no circumstances are you to reheat the left overs.
that’s some stuff you find in the lunch room of an SCP facility
It’s a furby right?
Cube of instant castle: Say the keyword ‘open’ to transform this cube into a '200x’200 castle. The transformation happens instantly, and if you’re caught in the area of effect, be prepared to get smashed. The cube is hard of hearing.
‘the cube is hard of hearing’ oh that’s just evil lmao
Oh. I thought it a was the other way I thought the point was that if the player whispers, the cube can’t hear. But I think what you are imagining is that the cube might hear “open” when something else was said
I thought it was that you can’t just shout from afar because it can’t hear you, so there’s not really any options other than to sacrifice someone every time you want to use it.
So many options!
The merchant says: “thanks for purchasing that cube, if you need something else we are open all day every day”
The party is now dead
I’ll use a sending stone like a garage door opener as I’m pulling up in the carriage
“You slurred the word ‘golden.’ Roll a d4. You need 20 to live.”
Excellent weapon then
Ring of invisibility. Makes you invisible, but makes everyone else invisible to you as well.
Ring of (Logical) Invisibility v2. Makes you invisible except for your eye balls so that they can absorb light. You may now see but you appear as a pair of floating eyeballs.
V3, your eyeballs are only visible when your eyes are open.
An additional note here. With no visible eyelids, and nothing visible to protect the back of the eye, bright lights would be extremely painful.
So either double blinding effects of light based attacks, or halve the saves vs the same.
Like in Quake multiplayer… damn that was fun.
Ring of minor invisibility - The ring is invisible, and only makes your body invisible, not any of your stuff
But people can see your footsteps cartoon style
If light travels through you then you would not leave a shadow.
Does glass leave a shadow?
Invisibility implies you are more transparent than glass…
It’s magic. It can make your footsteps visible.
It adjusts the depth map where you walk to appear as though something footprint-shaoed has sunk into the floor, as if in thick mud. Regardless of the surface - stone? still looks like someone sank into it a bit. When they run their hand over it, the floor is actually smooth as if nothing had happened, but the depth map makes it look like it.
To see something, you need your retina to absorb light, and that makes it visible. Alternative version is ring of invisibility that makes all of you invisible except for eyes.
Or makes you smell horrible. Yes I just stole this from ‘cruelty squad’.
